Intersex... My Story

I was born in Pekin, Illinois in 1967. I had some form of 'ambiguous genitalia'. I never got a straight answer from anyone, and no medical records can be found from my birth. Just a birth certificate saying 'female'. I required surgery to 'fix' me right away. I had major urinary plumbing problems. I had the surgical formation of pubic mound and labia majora... there is nothing else - no inner lips, no clitoris, no vagina. Like your average barbie doll, I was an eunich. To make it more embarrassing, I had my urethra connected to my anal cavity. I even urinate different than everyone.

Growing up I have always been a tomboy, I had crushes on my swimming teachers, fellow softball players and have always fantasized as a dominate female. When I was about 11 I really became an angry kid and this despite having a very good single mom and extended family that showed me great love in every area but one glaring one. They got me a therapist who was told my history and astutely asked if they would allow a chromosone test. With all the dread and nervousness possible, my mom took me to the appointment where I was to find out the truth in black in white: I was XY... there it was... I am genetically a male. Now it made sense, all the pieces fit. NOW what?

The subject just faded away... I went to an endocronologist. He examined me every few months and I was given estrogen for some reason... the visits just faded away, no more hormones and it was just explained that I will get surgery when I get married. We are not a religious family, but we were not a sex positive one either. My mom never remarried after my father left her when I turned 1. She has been asexual since she was 22. We to this day cannot discuss any of this without her saying I am 'blaming' her.

So here I sit: a 45 year old obese virgin, who has never even experienced a kiss given in love.

I could never have my own child. I could not marry unless I changed my official sex. I could never just be 'normal'.

To combat the awkward situations I used being fat as both a shield and excuse for not having to deal with my situation. I can blame my predicament on a myriad of things but really I have to take responsibility and try to make the changes to give my life a purpose. Today is the first day